For single people, it can conjure up feelings of loneliness and frustration. Relationships are such an essential part of our life, and not having the ideal partner in your life can be a cause of unhappiness.
So how do you go about finding the right person? What is the best way to think about, approach and react to people you are attracted to? In this bulletin, I’d like to share a few ideas that can help you to improve your chances of meeting and connecting with the right person.
Start with Yourself
The first thing to do when looking for a partner, is to look at yourself and your life as it is. Many people mistakenly believe that finding the right person and having a relationship will somehow complete their life, or fill the void of dissatisfaction that they feel when single. This is simply NOT TRUE. If you need some evidence about this, then ask somebody who has been married for more than two years – they will tell you that a relationship only amplifies the quality (or lack thereof) of your lifestyle.
So the first (and possibly best) thing you should do, is start to improve your current quality of life. This can be anything from improving your appearance, health habits, social life, living environment or your career. Everything you do to improve yourself and your life will have a magnetic affect on other people. They will be more interested and attracted to you if you are happy with the life you lead.
Get Clear on What you Want
The second area where you can start to improve your attractiveness is to become clearer on what you want in a partner. Most people who are single (and not happy about it) do not take the time to define their perfect or ideal partner. Not knowing who your ideal partner is actually reduces the chance of finding them, as you don’t know what to look for. Remember that you can’t hit a target you can’t see.
So take some time right now to think about what you want in an ideal partner. Think about these types of criteria:
Appearance (taller, shorter, athletic, cuddly, hair color, eye color)
Personality type (social, private, serious, funny, charismatic, sincere)
Lifestyle (active, busy, career-oriented, family-oriented, hobbies)
Career type (professional, shift worker, traveling, lots of holidays)
Location (close to your home, live near the coast, mountains, city)
These are some basic criteria, but most importantly you must be clear about your relationship preference. This means you must be clear what type of relationship you want (casual, dating, partnership, marriage) and you must be clear that you want the same in a partner. That way if you meet somebody who meets all your criteria but your relationship preference style, you know not to waste your time.
Start Your Search
Once you are clear on what you are looking for, you can start to consider how to meet the perfect person. This is as easy as brainstorming places where they might spend time, or be interested in going to.
A great way to do this is to get interested in hobbies and interests of you own. This gets you out meeting new people and often you will meet potential partners through serendipity. As mentioned before, you can attract more people by having a fulfilled, interesting lifestyle of your own, and being involved in hobbies and activities is a great way to do this.
Tell Your Friends
Another powerful strategy that can work wonders is to tell your friends, family and acquaintances that you are ‘single and looking’. Most things in life happen as a result of the people we meet, or are introduced to, so use your current network to increase your chances of finding or meeting the right person.
Use Several Strategies at Once
One of the key problems single people complain about is having no decent ways to meet new people. While it can sometimes be hard to put yourself ‘out there’ as a single person, there is definitely no shortage of ways to meet people. Here are a few ways that have worked well for many years:
Online personals and chatting
Dating services, or ‘speed dating’ evenings
FriendWise.com which is FREE
Parties and events (hosted by you or by friends or family)
Hobbies, interests and special events (e.g. theatre, concerts)
Evening classes or university short courses
Bars, clubs, restaurants, cafes
The Next Step
Once you’ve found someone, or a few people you connect with then the next step is to ‘ask’.
If you meet someone who seems promising then actually invite them to spend more time with you! You can’t just drop hints or hope they will notice you. If you spot someone even remotely like someone you want to spend more time with, ask them. Put yourself on the line, and you’ll find your chances of meeting the right person increases. A great way to do this is to think of an activity you really enjoy doing, and would like some company for, and ask them to join you. Some examples could be:
Would you like to go on a mountain bike ride this weekend?
Would you like to catch a movie?
Have you seen that new theatre show?
I know this place with great coffee. Want to join me?
Whatever suits you and your interests is a great opener, and you will be surprised how often other single people are happy to do things with you.
Get used to Dating, and Enjoying it!
Most single people dislike the dating process, as they feel they are on display like a product and that it is just a necessary evil to finding the right partner. This natural aversion to dating is often one of the main reasons why people stay single for a long time.
If you sincerely hope to meet someone you can connect with, then you had better start connecting with a lot of people. And the best way to do this is to get used to dating and enjoying the process.
Dating is a skill just like anything else. The more you do it, the better you get at connecting with people, and the more enjoy being out there. Plus the more you do it, the less you will fear meeting new people. And soon enough, with enough practice, you will meet the right person.
Be Patient and Persistent
The final factor to consider is that it takes time to find or achieve something worthwhile in your life. One of the main reasons many singles don’t find the right partner is because they give up too easily and too often. They get too emotional too early and forget that dating is supposed to be a fun search. Because of this, many singles tend to go through dating ‘spurts’ instead of using a consistent approach.
Two qualities that will help you more than anything are patience and persistence. The more things you keep trying, the more people you connect with, the more dates you have, the higher your chances of meeting your Mr. or Ms Right.
Think about it this way: how many dates would you be willing to go through in order to find your ideal partner? Ten dates? Twenty-Five? One hundred? The reality is you must be willing to keep doing it until you meet the right person. And if you do it patiently, persistently and with a sense of humor, you will find soon enough that you are no longer one of those people bemoaning another Day on your own. Who knows…in the process you might even start to have fun being single!
