I’ve noticed that the more authentically I live, the more genuine my relationships become. The more honest I am with myself about my needs and desires, the easier it is to express this to others and act in alignment with my true self.
When living authentically requires putting up boundaries other people don’t like or aren’t used to, people’s feelings get hurt.
Two concepts have helped me come to terms with acting authentically despite hurt feelings:
1) Any boundary I set (whether it’s letting go of a relationship all together or even just choosing to stay in rather than to hang out with a friend) has nothing to do with the other person. It has to do with my needs at any given time (which can also change over time). Whether or not the other person takes it personally is out of my control. If I were to change my actions to prevent their feelings from getting hurt, I would be ignoring myself and acting out of a place of guilt, which isn’t fair to either party.
2) We are all each other’s teachers. While a person may experience pain from something I do or don’t do, it might be exactly the lesson they need to grow. So by not listening to my internal nudges, I deny myself the ability to be me and the other person a possible opportunity to grow. On the other end of that, I am a perpetual student and am open to learning from other people’s experiences. I am coming to trust that if someone feels hurt by my action/non-action, they have the ability to express it to me and we can hopefully come to a mutual understanding.
So why did I used to act out of guilt? To be liked? To help another avoid pain? Living authentically is not about being liked or avoiding pain. In fact, it’s about accepting all parts of who I am despite what others think of me AND continuously stepping into discomfort in order to grow. As I continue to commit honoring myself in relationships, I attract people who are doing the same thing.
Shout out to Kimmy’s Yoga- Graceful Roots for being open to honest communication and helping me fine tune how I can relate to others without dishonoring myself. 💓👌
Halley Gradus
Song credit: Crazy- Noze remix by Ornette
