Alright, so I am working to figure out stuff.

First please include my mom..and dad in your prayers. My mothers health has been continually getting worse over the last year with very bad fluid retention, altheizmers, and other problems. Over the last month or so she apparently gaiened over 30lbs of fluid retention in her legs - the last few days stretching all the way up to her abdomen. Taking her to the doctor today (we will be getting her a new doc after this for many reasons... but anger aside for the moment...) it was determined that the retention was infected throughout her legs and that was why they were oozing and well yeah... My mom now is at a health care facility as she refused to go to the regular hospital - she will be in observation through at least the weekend and will be going through a few procedures to decrease the retention and treat the infection.

My dad and my sister are up at the facility now and I got home to make calls to a few other family members and to still put things together for my own trip out to California....

One of the reasons that I have always had a hard time in thinking about leaving the area/state is because my parents are older... Dad is 78 and mom is 72. Neither are in good condition and at this time especially not my mom, there were DNR things that had to begin being taken care of and well from the biomedical etc aspect I understand and such just can't help but wonder how much more there is. My sister Patti and I learned today that my mothers heart is operating at about 28% right now - even my dad had been told by my mom it was a bit higher than that.....

Of seven kids all but my brother Eric live within about a 8mi radius of my parents. We kinda take turns (with Patti and Paula sorta doing the most) helping out and doing things from grocery shopping, helping with stuff around the house, driving them places, and similar.

My father and I were talking at the house as we waited to hear more from my sister Patti who had taken my mom to the doctors.
He said "You have to make it in California, in what you are doing" he also remarked a quote from my great grandfather (a man I have never met but been told regularly that we would have gotten along splendidly) "what is the sense all will be different in 100years".

My mind is mostly focused on my mom at the moment but still I had to take the business calls from San Diego.

Part of me is wondering what I am doing, why I am doing it, and whether I shouldn't just look more at staying here and doing things locally of taking some other route.

The fact is I am going out there with only a few dollars, I haven't had people really sign up yet on the www.achievinglife.com website yet and do not have any paying advertisers, partners, or similar.

The event that was going to be March 7th is being postponed one month to April and I wonder about that - about the viability of the fact I was aiming for March 7th and that there are other events around the country I was working/wanting to do - the fact I do not have the upfront money for stuff ...
I think about being told I could take part here locally on the 3rd Sat of the month at a ciricle thing, that a family friend was diagnosed with pretty much exactly what I said a couple mos ago and could be a massage client, and there are other possibilities..

I think about my mom and what is happening - I know how angry and how much yelling there will be as she complains about not getting a cigarette, of not being home, and of things that she is forgetting or remembering but no accurately. My dad has had been going through a lot the last week or two especially with the repetitive phrases and speech of my mom and other things that have been happening lately.

I started reading a book today that I was working to give my friend David before he left to Wyoming but it didn't happen - not totally sure as to the why. It is called the Isiah Effect I mostly knew the book and told people about it but had not read it... its actually mostly what I said and more... one point that stood out is an idea that all is laid out but all resides in our choices you know the when, or the where, or the what but not all three..

My dad mentioned how you can know things are getting worse, be expecting them, and he expressed ideas/feelings and intuitions he has had - but then he remarked the fact is you never are fully ready, never fully know... following this again with the emphasis on success as I go to Cali.

Yet I find myself questioning, being nervous, and just ergh... but it is in unsureity that we can find stability, find the answers, find the path we are designed for ..
Please pray for my mom to get better. My niece Kristin is aiming to move in with my parents in a month or less. My mom says she wants to be able to be there but she needs to act in that way. I don't know, I really dont....

I know I have some thoughts to think through but I feel like that thinking may not be the best if I am not careful - somehow I feel like the weight of a lot of stuff is building up, that some pretty important, big, sad, and amazing things are here or soon here and just I dont know...

Please though keep my mom and dad in your thoughts and prayers - Thank you

~Namaste

Debra