I know the right decision is to be a good wife and forget about boyfriend. But, I miss the things that I loved about boyfriend. It's not that he was a better person than hubby, it's just that he was so different.

I know that talking to him only does me harm, but it seems like I can't help myself. Sometimes I need that pick me up that he offers. Hubby is a very introverted, stable person. Boyfriend is very outgoing and very unstable. I can't depend on him for anything other than a good time. I know hubby will be there, no matter what. With boyfriend, it's his whim.

Of course he loves me now, but it's because he wants to prove that he can have me, even if I'm back with hubby. I want to believe that it's just because I'm so desireable, but I know better than that. I am desireable, but every since I came back to hubby, it's been a tug of war. Hubby wants me to cut off all contact with boyfriend. I can understand that, I'm just too selfish to let go.

I'm trying really hard to talk to boyfriend as little as possible. Now he's started trying to make me feel guilty for not showing him the attention he thinks I should.

*sigh*

How do I block out the yearning for boyfriend? Hubby is not as exciting, but he loves me. He really loves me and I don't want to screw that up.